BEARING THE BURDEN OF RESTORATION
The Ministry of Restoration
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.…. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each should carry his own load.” Galatians 6: 1-5
What is Restoration?
When a marriage is reeling from the sting of infidelity, it takes a miracle to put it back together. Outside of the wonder of God’s healing, it seems impossible for a couple to survive the process. Many of the women I have known in Jane’s position would find it difficult to imagine ever being happy again, much less ever trusting their husbands. Their marriage is so broken, it seems impossible to restore.
In the passage above, Paul uses a term that refers to the word restoration as a complete fix. In other words, this kind of restoration meant that the person was many times better off after their restoration than they were before it. This term was used, for example, to medically describe a leg or arm that is broken so badly that it is severed. After the broken bone is set, it is actually stronger at the point of breaking than it was before it was broken! The amazing thing about the process of healing a person’s torn and broken spirit is that God uses us – His family – in this kind of restoration.
It’s not completely unusual for a couple to actually verbalize some relief when the secret is revealed. Even though it may take years and buckets of tears to get through the grief, many husbands and wives are thankful that the truth is finally out and they can quit “dancing around” the issues between them and change their marriage for the good. This is especially true for men who are trapped in a relationship and want to get out but desire to stay in at the same time.
God uses other restored friends, family members, groups, counselors to “reset” an individual or a couple in this predicament just like a doctor resets a severely broken bone. Many couples truly find a stronger bond than they ever thought possible as they grow through this course of restoration.
This amazing process has perhaps four primary characteristics.
1. Restore Them Gently
The author gives us a worst-case scenario when he refers to someone caught or trapped in a sin. This isn’t referring to someone who has made a mistake or even a bad choice. It refers to the kind of situation where willful, sinful choices have become a lifestyle. This lifestyle might also be characterized by deceit and betrayal – such as an adulterous affair. The mandate here is very clear. Christians aren’t instructed to take this person out and stone them to death. Those who have the guidance of God’s Spirit are very clearly commanded to restore this person in a gentle manner. This type of restoration implies a process, which may take a lot of time – but the result is worth it.
What about the person who was victimized by this kind of sin? I believe the mandate is the same. A woman plunged into the grief process by her husband’s infidelity needs gentle restoration by someone led by God’s Spirit – hopefully another woman or group of women who have held onto God’s coat tail through their own restoration process. This will be especially true for a woman whose marriage is over.
I once had the privilege of participating with a group of nine women who had been deeply hurt by their husband’s indiscretions. The first name they gave to the group was “Women Married To Men Who Are Jerks”. They were survivors. Eventually, they simply referred to themselves as “L’Group”. It was a wonderful privilege to go along with these Christian women who drew upon each other and God’s strength to march through the healing process. They went through the complete grief process together, and even though they didn’t know each other to start, they became close, life-long friends.
They went from husband bashing to holding each other accountable. They navigated their way through the maze of grief from victim to overcomer and each began to see herself as a conqueror in God’s eyes. They needed the gentle touch that only another woman could provide. After meeting together for some time, they kicked me out of the group and kept meeting several years afterwards on a regular basis. Most of them continue to stay in contact.
They were trapped in the results of long-term infidelity and they gently nurtured each other through the process of restoration.
2. Help Them Bear Their Burdens
Paul makes it absolutely clear that we are to be in the business of helping others bear their burdens. Whether those afflictions are there because of results of someone else’s actions, or because of intentional transgressions, Christians are instructed to help a weary person bear the load. Hopefully, there is a time in her own healing process when a woman can go back and help others who are suffering the same kind of distress.
3. Fulfills the Law of Christ
This statement reminds us of how important this process is to God. Yes, it’s important to introduce others to Christ. And it is imperative to mentor them in a process of discipleship. Paul asserts that it is equally important to restore them after they have been clobbered! Wouldn’t it be great if we were better at bearing the burdens of those who anguish through the grief and hardship of infidelity?
4. They Can Carry Their Own Load
This wonderful statement creates a picture of one who is has ceased staggering and no longer needs others to help bear their burden. They are now strong enough to carry their own load as they go back and help others in the same process.
I’m mentioning the process of restoration because it is so vital to see the overall picture when we are caught off guard by infidelity. We are not “slide shows”. Our lives are more like REEL TO REEL movies: always changing, never the same, moving through life – not one frame at a time, but – many frames blended together. We can’t pull out a past snap shot and accurately say: “This is the way someone is.” As soon as we look at the snap shot, the person has already changed. Yet, we tend to believe that the struggles of infidelity are permanent.
When we’re caught off guard by the pain of infidelity, we naturally focus on that frame, unable to visualize the rest of the process. This is why it is so vital to have others in our lives who will hold us together until the next frame. Seeing ourselves as a person in progress allows us to believe in the grief process. We can also see ourselves as overcomers who won’t get stuck in survivor mentality.
